Tag Archives: elf in real life

Elf In Real Life: Checking Out Of Reality

Why can’t humans handle reality? We spend so much time preferring fantasy worlds, whether they are in books, movies, or games. We hate our physical bodies. We hate our jobs, our neighbors, or whatever.

And we have electric light, hot water, oxycodone, endless varieties of limitless food, and contraception. We practically live in paradise, and we are still unsatisfied. How did humans even cope a few hundred years ago? How do people cope in less developed countries?

Some landscape guys came and trimmed the big, beautiful tree outside. They cut off several branches and scarred the trunk with their climbing spikes. Every time I go outside my door, it’s like walking past my friend who was amputated.

I have a four-day vacation starting today. Almost no one is buying my books (although I haven’t pulled any marketing levers yet), and I’m depressed and exhausted. I need to quest for some chocolate and drink a relaxation potion.

What game should I play? I’ve never done a poll before, so I hope it goes. Oops, that should be Ranger not Hunter.


Elf In Real Life: Advice From Galadriel

galadriel image
Last week I played Jedi Academy and a bit of LotRO. I continue to suffer chronic abdominal pain that appears aggravated by chair-sitting and stress.

So gaming has been curtailed, although I’ve spent more time mentally designing my own web-based game, which I might undertake when I’m feeling better.

I realized this week that the Faery faith is not very rewarding for humans. Faeries are chary, mischievous, and often of the dark variety.

Meanwhile, my inspirational shamanic vision recently was of a unity of life connected to a goddess entity.

While in pain, like the men and women of old, I seek solace, love, someone who cares about me. I can see how persuasive the Christian faith must have been in those days when compared to the alternatives.

I’ve never connected with the Lord and Lady of the old witch faith as caring individuals, rather closer to the Greek gods, representing primal forces of love, the hunt, and fertility.


Journey To See Galadriel


Yesterday a hypnotherapist sent me on a journey on an ancient leaf down a river into a cave. I saw elven script over the archway entrance, and inside I was instructed to meet an all-knowing source, which appeared pleasantly in my mind as Lady Galadriel, the Queen of the elves.

Galadriel counseled that the way to peace was through prayer to the gods and through love, specifically loving others. She pointed out my childhood trauma and suggested that I should love my mother.

Today I happened to visit an Orthodox Christian monastery, which was very interesting (all women must wear skirts and scarves, and cannot enter wearing pants). A few weeks ago a few random Christians arrived at my door to preach that God was working with a female entity.

So I’ve been exploring this concept of the Holy Ghost as female, which some sources claim was the original understanding of the Gnostics, for example. Galadriel further said I was not from this Earth, but neither did she make me feel like an elf.

Galadriel later gifted me with a cottage in her woods along the river, where I have a bed, a fireplace, and a library. I’m happy that she has befriended me, although she seems to want something in return, and I want to please her.

This is all an extension of a wonderful hypnosis experience that I’ve been repeating on Youtube. Kim Carmen Walsh is a hypnotherapist in Kent and offers a number of free videos worth looking at, including Hypnotherapy for Happiness And Contentment.

When in serious pain, I will pretty much try anything. It’s either that or break down crying. This hypnosis did work to put me to sleep once, and when I woke up the pain was mostly gone. The following night the pain was too much to become hypnotized, however.

Today I also bought a Sansevaria plant for my living room, and I’m looking forward to the new Game of Thrones episode tonight continuing Tyrion’s trial. Until next time–peace, love yourself and your neighbor, and blessed be.


Elf In Real Life: Intense Love In The Forest

newbie blogger initiative supporter image This month is the Newbie Blogger Initiative, a wonderful event that changed my love life forever.

Not really, but that’s newbie tip #1: try a catchy opening sentence. Video games are addictive, but love is one of the few things that males will still prefer over killing and pillaging.

After all, what’s the point of murder if not to save the princess, or accumulate wealth so you can buy her things?

Apparently I’m roleplaying a Drow elf today.

For more information on getting started as a game blogger, visit the grand daddy and patriarch of the NBI, Syp at the Biobreak blog.


Elf In Real Life: Weeks Three to Four


Two weeks ago, I found a dead bird in front of my door on Monday morning. Tuesday night, I was in the hospital with severe abdominal pains. As of now, the diagnosis is kidney stones and too much stress.

I only mention this in case no one believed my previous post that dead birds are a bad omen, or at least that magic is real.

I’m still feeling pain daily, which I hope is just stress. This reminds me that I’m old, mortal, and not really an elf, which is depressing. Maybe a dark fey put that bird by my door to teach me a lesson.

Last week I re-started Skyrim, but I quickly grew frustrated (again) with the interface and quit. I also tried to play Max Payne when my internet was out (due to my move).

Unfortunately, you have to be connected to the internet and logged into Rockstar social club to play a Rockstar game these days. To underscore its own failure, Rockstar’s product then crashed, and I had to alt-cntrl-delete to cure Rockstar’s failure to deliver the entertainment I paid for.

I can’t hate Rockstar more. Elves don’t hate.

Several years ago I had a peak experience of my life while walking through a forest. Many bits of forested land are attached to the White River as it twists through the urban landscape of Indianapolis (I live now in Arizona.)

These forests are a haven for trash and a home to the homeless, fornicators, nudists, predators, miscreants, and pedophiles. A few squirrels, birds, and rabbits also make their homes there. One particular bit of forest is blessed, sandwiched on all sides by respectable neighborhoods and a youth sports facility.

The forest was not clean of trash back then, however, and I resolved to clean all the trash out. It took five or six trips. Every time I hiked down the forest trail to the river, I carried out a bunch of junk.

One day, I decided I was done. It was my final trash trip, and the forest was fairly clean. On the way back, I felt an overwhelming wave of love pour over me, a love I’ve never felt before or since. It was pure energy, goodness, and well-being.

The love was so strong that it was incomprehensible to think such a thing could have come from within me, as if a chemical bliss. I interpreted the source to be an angel, the faeries, or some sort of spiritual forest guardian. It felt real, and I thanked that unknown entity for its beneficence.

I’m now trying to clean out my own trash to save my health. I’ve switched to watching comedies instead of one doomsday documentary after another about the food supply and the environment. This is one reason I never used my biology degree. It’s just too depressing.

I’m reading a book on Faerie Magic, and I picked up another Faerie book at the library. I have a lot of humble studying to do.

Faeries of course are of light and “dark” varieties. They don’t obey the concepts of good and evil as adopted by men. Even the good faeries are known to enslave humans and kidnap babies, not necessarily in that order.

I’ve been trying to be very good lately and deny my dark side, but that itself is considered by psychologists to be unhealthy. So the dark side is a difficult pickle.

I do not believe that humans are the end-all and be-all, the top of the food chain, the top dog in the universe. Something surely eats humans or sucks on their energy, an act which the humans would consider evil.

The human concept of good and evil must therefore be fundamentally flawed. The good is only what is good for them. We preach peace, love, and compassion, and then we take a tasty bite of our beef or pork sandwich.

The humans forget that they themselves are out of balance, like locusts eating all other living creatures while ruining and polluting the natural planet , so they are just like the fey or a lot of field mice, and the human good is really a self-centered illusion.

This week, I’ve gone back to my vampire novel manuscript. After a couple years hiatus, I think I have an acceptable ending. As far as gaming, I still might sneak back to LotRO again. Thanks for reading my blog, blessed be, and happy gaming.


Elf In Real Life: “Speeding”

I canceled my World Of Warcraft subscription, and I quit playing Hearthstone yesterday. I love the game, but you have to “attack the face” of the other player to win.

I used to play tournament chess, and attempting to “beat” someone made me uncomfortable even back then. I always took a draw (tie) if the opponent requested it.

It’s a common play if you’re losing–to lamely offer a draw, hoping the opponent is an idiot and accepts, despite the fact that you deserve a loss.

I gave away important games at least three times, to the detriment of my team and our tournament score. Some of those opponents assumed I was an idiot, and I was by their value system.

No, I’m just an elf.


Elf In Real Life: Week Two


This week I went back to the lake on my Gnomish mecha-roller (bicycle). I resisted the urge to take a photo at the place where I had the vision of all-life-as-one last week. Elves treasure memories, not photos.

So I was going very fast, and I had a “flat tyre” as the gnomes call it. A passing Wood-Elf (Latino guy) tried to help, but his gnomish re-inflator didn’t function, and his Repair skill was a fat zero just like mine.

So I walked home.

I’ve always considered transportation failures to be ominous portents of your life’s journey. Like a dead bird in your path, a mechanical failure isn’t a good sign.

I chalked the problem up to speeding. I was moving too fast, as Simon And Garfunkle would say.

In the 1970s, not long after Simon And Garfunkle’s observations on life, the prodigious Buddhist lama Chogyam Trungpa came to the United States to teach. He coined a spiritual term called “Speeding”.

Speeding is what we Americans do. We speed from one goal to the next. We always need something to fill the time and emptiness, which is how video games become an addiction. That’s my super-simple novice interpretation.

So how do we cope with speeding? This week I tried a stillness meditation. I just stopped, like a child’s game, and remained completely motionless. The faster you give up and start moving again, the farther you are from basic sanity. I’m pretty far.

So how do we deal with speeding? Here is a quote from p. 163 of Trungpa’s The Lion’s Roar. Note this was transcribed from a lecture that took place forty years ago.

Student: What influences you to slow down if you find yourself speeding?

Trungpa Rinpoche: Hopelessness, obviously. The more you speed, the more frustrated you get. So there’s no point in speeding. It’s hopeless.

Student: Could you distinguish between hopelessness and despair?

Trungpa Rinpoche: Despair is still hopeful, and hopelessness is utterly hopeless. There is no ground to hang on to. You are completely wiped out, therefore you might hang on to your basic being. Despair is a resentful attitude. You…have a sense of retaliation against something or other. Hopelessness is a genuine, beautiful, simple act. You’re hopeless–it’s a fantastic thing. You really are hopeless then, you know. There’s no trips about it. It’s clean-cut.

Student: Rinpoche, does this mean that a person has to experience a lot of suffering before he becomes really hopeless? Or could it just happen on the spot?

Trungpa Rinpoche: Both.

Trungpa’s lecture transcripts are extra entertaining because of his efforts to “get down” verbally with the alt crowd at his lectures. I always have to be accomplishing something, and I’ve noticed and interesting pattern. I’m more relaxed, more in the flow, and more productive, ironically, after I give up.

“No deeds to do, no promises to keep.” This is a nice place to be, just watching the flowers growing. Plants have to make a tremendous effort to survive, flower, and reproduce, of course. So do I. There are practicalities of life.

Update: as of 2019, I’m working on a website dedicated to the elf in real life concept, which is called Elven Academy. I’ve since learned people who identify as elves (or aliens, or whatever), are collectively known as “otherkin”. I’m still not quite sure if I literally think I’m an elf. It’s under consideration. I would be more likely to believe I’m something closer to an “angel” or an ET than most humans.


Elf In Real Life: What Do Elves Do

elf listElder Scrolls Online released their launch trailer, and it’s about full-on war, featuring an elf-maid chained up and electrocuted.

Why would I want to live in this world? I noted the Warlords of Draenor preview material has the same look and feel. War engines. World-ending monster mashes.

I’m tired and literally sick of the violence, as well as the game monetization, ridiculous pre-order bonuses, and general game industry evil.

So I’m driven to psychosis.


Elf In Real Life: Day One


You can see my to-do list for today. This morning I worked on art, wandered the forest, and went to the lake.

I wandered on my bicycle and metaphorically, since I live in a concrete urban jungle.

At first, I was seeing real estate and business signs as if they were pretty flowers, and then a black bird came and flew directly over my head for several metres before stopping on a fence and looking at me. Maybe it’s one of the hungry birds I fed chips to last week.

Approaching the lake, my mind melded with the plants and birds, and I realized the entire living world as the work of a goddess. I felt my stress melt away into a sense of connectedness.

I saw two black boys with their pants hanging low off their asses, which is rare in this area. Maybe there was a gay convention somewhere. The lake front was all blocked off for a triathlon, which I considered symbolic.

The humans had taken over with their ego, their muscled bodies, and their urge for winning and victory. The air was thick with the odor of dead fish. Maybe the birds were hungry because so many fish were dead. The ducks were flocking to the humans to get fed.

This afternoon, I working more on my new piece of art, The Cross-Cultural College Of Biomechanical Life. I was reading a book called Shadows of the Sacred by Frances Vaughan. So far, it’s very good.

I’m a little behind schedule this evening. I missed the sunset, but a lot of the remaining elf list items can be done simultaneously. I feel more peaceful just thinking about it, really.

There are two things on the list that are making me pensive. The first is food. What do elves eat? I also realized after I made the list that I’d already failed at being a vegetarian. There were eggs in my banana nut bread for breakfast.

The second thing is meditation. Ideally, every act should be a meditation, but I’m far away from that. So that’s what the kitty is doing instead of playing video games. Nothing to see here. As an elf, I shouldn’t be here publishing my diary for attention. By writing this post in the first place, maybe I’ve failed.

I say “maybe” because certainty is certainly a human failure.


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